Happy New Year! I hope that everyone starts the new year in good health, and with a fresh start. Not that you can’t have a fresh start on any other day, but to be cliche, new years are always something exciting. This post is more like a collection of multiple vignettes from this week that snapshot my thoughts and emotions. I’m really worried about spamming my subscribers’ inboxes, so I try to collect these. Eventually when I get better at this coding thing and making everything work, I’ll create an option for people to only receive one newsletter a week. Count that as a goal. 😉
Since I’ve utterly failed 3/5 days this week to keep to my posted schedule, I’ll be attempting to use the theme for next week.
It’s getting closer to the time for me to move back to the suites and I always get moodier and more anxious when I do so. This break was, for the most part, relaxing. But it was overshadowed by anxiety and moodiness, and fights with my mom, and spurts of inspiration among other things.
Nostalgia – My Mom
I love my mom, and we’ll probably never see everything eye to eye, and as crazy as I think she is at times, she’ll always be my mom. I listen to the advice she gives with a grain of salt, because I know it’s good advice, but I’m stubborn and I’ve got to touch the fire to learn that it really burns. She knows this too, and she laments that I’m not like my oldest brother who listened to almost everything she said. But I’ll be okay. Because I’m different from them. My oldest brother, in my most recent birthday card wrote,
” One thing I’ve always admired about you is tenacity – you pursue what you want and don’t back down.”
I don’t think I’ve ever quite realized it’s called tenacity. I’ve always called it sheer stubbornness to my mother’s despair, and her graying hair is evidence of it.
This week, I wanted to do a lot. And I did very little of it. I had ideas for what I was going to write, but then I didn’t follow through. I got sucked into this mood of neediness and insecurity and wanting to spend time with my parents even though I wanted to be away from them already. My time slipped through my fingers like grains of sand and very little was accomplished. I still owe my penpals their letters, and my dear dad got me stamps. He always spoils me in little ways, sometimes behind my mom’s back like when he comes to my suite at 6:30 in the morning to drop off some food for me, or to bring me my jackets because I’m freezing and it’s raining and my roommates like to keep the suite cozy at 70-74 degrees Fahrenheit.
My mom gave me three big gifts this season. They are also from my dad, but he doesn’t usually find out til after the bills come in. I got running shoes from Sketchers from Costco. This isn’t a big deal, but to me, it means a lot to me that my parents still pay for things that I can afford, especially because I know that they are financially stretched. My mom, like my Amah (grandma in Taiwanese), likes her lipstick for when she goes out of the house. If she forgot it in her purse or can’t find it and there’s a beauty department nearby, she’ll sometimes buy a new one. Which is how she ends up with a small collection of them. She gave me a really gorgeous Yves St. Laurent lipstick in what I think is their color “Fetish Pink.” The last gift was her Michael Kors Jet Set Logo Tote in white. Yes, she’s used the lipstick, and the tote, but it still means much to me to have them. I’m not trying to brag. I’m just sharing something that means a lot to me from my parents so that days down or years down the road I can look back at this to try and remember the good from all the negative. I received many other gifts from friends and family, and they too are cherished items.